sickdayismysalvation

I started Institute in July and started Teaching right after it ended in August. I've been playing grown up for almost six months and today is my first mental health day. You know you've reached a new low when you are caught crying your eyes out after school by 8 staff members and you just can't stop. Then, I came home and cried some more.

My philly biffle and I often joke that we are both in abusive relationships with all of our students. You go to work every day and invest all you have into your students, but in return you get beaten and abused (I hope you understand this is metaphorical). Then, after an 11 hour day you go home and continue to work and your mind wanders to a place where you tell yourself that tomorrow will definitely be better. But it's not. The worst part about all of this is that you begin to replay the days events looking for things you did wrong, making excuses for the way you have been treated.

So then I ask myself, if I believe everybody should be strong enough to remove themselves from abusive situations, why do I stay? I finally understand, you can't help who you care deeply for, and matters of the heart cannot be nursed.

At 10 pm last night I caved, called my principal, and said I needed a sick day. This day is saving me.

Breathe.

Rome was not built in a day. Remember this.

Being a middle school special education teacher in a turnaround school (one which ranked in the top ten worst elementary schools in the whole state of Pennsylvania last year) in a neighborhood listed as one of the top 25 most dangerous neighborhoods in the country is challenging for a plethora of reasons.

As a brand new adult I have made it a priority to become solutions oriented. Thus, with this mindset, I constantly think about what I can do to fight/combat the forces that have worked and currently work against my students. It has been four months and I am still asking myself this question.

Today, in the midst of a mental and emotional breakdown (as a result of receiving some pretty tragic test scores), a very good friend looks at me and says "breathe. Rome was not built in a day."

thankyou.

Welcome to Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Written by a parent of a child with special needs.

inadequacy

When I started teaching I had a group of twelve very rambunctious (also referred to as looney) third and fourth graders. Two of these students were twins. We can call them C and C. C and C were by far two of the looniest students in our school, known by name, despite them being identical, by most adults in the building.

These two boys hardly ever came to school

When they did come to school they were running around the building (without permission)

They came to school with clothes that were too small (often dirty)

Both boys are at a kindergarten/pre-kindergarten academic level

Both are victims of abuse

Both were born with fetal alcohol syndrome

and I fell in LOVE with these children.

While I don't teach them, it brings me joy to see them in the hallway and it makes my day when they come visit me up on the fourth floor. In such a short period of time, I have seen them grow an immense amount.

This past weekend, one of the boys got hit by a car, will be hospitalized for eight weeks, and is paralyzed.

Being an inner-city school teacher is rough, but in hearing this news, my heart sank. Every day i leave school feeling like I do not have control of anything- behavior, academic achievement, student investment, and the list could go on. Nothing, NOTHING even the worst of days at work, compares to the inadequacy I felt in hearing that my twins were out, unsupervised, playing on a major road, late at night.

The hardest part about this job is not the work it entails, it is leaving work everyday knowing that THIS can happen to our children.

"It would be so nice if something would make sense for a change" - Alice in Wonderland

A few weeks ago I received a care package. It was the best care package I have ever received, EVER. It was so impactful that as I read the card and looked at its contents, I couldn't help but cry a little. An excerpt:

Life is unexpected and things don't always happen as planned, but it's how you react that defines who you are...

This tidbit of advice has served me well in all facets of my life since coming home to this package.

Yes, I go to work every day and within moments of teaching I end up defeated.

Yes, I have never been so tired in my life.

Yes, I often feel alone

BUT then I think of this and it reminds me that I want to be the type of person that can honestly say that regardless of what life throws at me, I can be flexible and I can figure it out.

New Room

Today was the first day in my new classroom. I thought that this change would be great for my students. Finally, they had a space to call their own (regardless of the fact that we are in an office). Let me tell you, I was incorrect. To all my teacher friends- In a 50 minute block my seventh grade class did not complete our DO NOW. Little snapshot into my life.

It has been 15 minutes and we still have not started working on our do now...

It has been 22 minutes and we are not making the progress on our do now that we need to...

(clearly talking over students)

......repeat

......repeat

IT HAS BEEN 45 MINUTES AND I SEE THAT ONLY ONE STUDENT HAS COMPLETED THEIR DO NOW.

not a good sign.

this will get better.

Invitacion Fountain

All who are weak,

all who are weary

Come to the rock,

come to the fountain

All who have sailed

on the rivers of heartache

Come to the sea,

come on be set free

If You lead me Lord I will follow

Where You lead me Lord I will go

Come and heal me Lord I will follow

Where You lead me Lord I will go

I will go

Two in One Special

Bulletin Boards propped up with furniture.

My makeshift whiteboard.

Why a two in one special?

We both teach at the exact time.

(imagine a reading and math class full of emotional support middle schoolers)

Let me tell you, craziness is contagious.

I have been given an office to move in to.

It may be small but at least I'll have four walls?

Take a Break.

...it's a chair that I send students who are struggling with their behavior. I tell them they aren't in trouble, but they need to 'take a break' to re-focus and when they chill out they are able to join us whenever they are ready. Today, my students drove me to take a break IN my classroom DURING class (yes, I actually went and sat in the take a break chair).

Today I became one of those teachers who yells at kids, got caught up in arguing with puberty as a whole, and when the day was over, I had nothing to be proud about. My students did not learn and I was not happy. Wednesday, be better.

The sunshine of my day- one of my students (a seventh grader reading at a first grade level) came up to me and told me he was ashamed of his behavior. My response? "good, you should be, but this shows me tomorrow can be a better day" (I walked away). I like to tell myself that (in the words of my students) in that moment I was indeed swag instead of joe.

Quitter? I hope not.

I've never considered myself a quitter, but never in my life have I thought about quitting more. I have very recently encountered the immense impact love and support have on your life, even your career life. With this realization I'm wondering if it has enough impact to make or break you.

Last March I was hired by a school in Philadelphia to teach Special Education (primarily reading) to third and fourth grade students. After school started, I was told I had to teach an after school reading class (yea, kids love the fact that they get to come to me after a full day's worth of learning...) that is a mix of third to sixth graders. About two weeks ago I was told that I would no longer be in that role and would be transitioning to teach Special Education math to seventh and eighth grade students. Today, I was told that I will also be teaching a class that is about social and emotional learning, which includes sex education...

I will be doing this in half of a classroom, without a whiteboard (fingers crossed that I will receive one) , with the leftover furniture in the school, and students who may not even know they have an IEP. When the decision was made to switch to this model, nobody thought it was important to note that there were no more available classrooms. When I mean none, I mean not even a single empty room that I could push in to with a cart. This means one room was taken and will be split in half using bulletin boards. There will be two classes going on at the same time, two groups of students, two teachers-one being me! Today, the teacher who I share a room with and I tried to find all the heavy furniture we could to ensure our stray bulletin boards will stay (for the most part) propped upright.

Am I prepared?

Am I qualified?

Am I happy?

Am I in the right mental state of mind?

Am I emotionally stable?

Am I inspired?

And the answer to all of these questions is no. So then I ask myself what I'm still doing here and the answer is I have no freaking idea. I feel overwhelmed, helpless, empty and broken, and I know that if I don't come up with a reason to stay, nothing will be in between me and my way out the door.

Find Happiness.

So much easier said than done, but sometimes, with the best friends, flickers of happiness can be seen even though sadness feels like it's clouding your life.

Yesterday someone told me that no matter how sad/mad/hurt or just down you fee, there is always on thing or one moment that will make you smile.

And I'd say we just have to hope those smiles are enough.

badlands

It's been a little over a month since day one of teaching.

Saying that it has been a whirlwind would be an incredible understatement. I knew this would be hard but working being placed at a turnaround was like facing a beast. Our school is located in north Philly, in an area often referred to as the badlands. As most can guess, the nickname comes from the fact that this community has experienced generational poverty, violence, gang wars and drug corners since the 80's.

I spoke to a financial guy yesterday (who is assisting with my retirement plan) who serves inner city school teachers probono. This gentleman worked at my school last year before it became a turnaround and he said "If anyone asked me where the worst part of Philadelphia was/is, I'd say (insert my school here)."

When signing on to this teaching commitment, there is not much you can prepare for. Academically, perhaps, if you know your grade and content level placement. Emotionally? Unless you have had life experiences similar to that of our children, no. Personally? you cannot help but be completely and fully invested in your kids.

Scholarship in Action- Philadelphia!

Last week I sent an email to our beloved chancellor. I'm attempting to collect some SU gear/paraphernalia for my classroom and I thought, why not just go all the way up?

In less than four hours I received a response.

"Elyssa: Congratulations on your wonderful work- my office will certainly arrange to send you SU paraphernalia. All best, Nancy Cantor"

Yea, I guess we're not on a first name basis ahaha (:

Back to School

I'm a week in to orientation at my new school and this ENTIRE weekend was dedicated to my first class as a graduate student of University of Pennsylvania. Friday was a 13 hour day, going to work, leaving at 4, starting class at 5 and left class at 9. Class hours on Saturday and Sunday were from 8-6...an entire week without a weekend. Yea, it was long, (and now I'm tired and I can't believe i have to be up at 6 tomorrow for work again), but I have never been so intellectually stimulated in my life. The course was designed to bridge us between our experiences in college and at institute and the experiences we are about to have as new teachers in urban low-income communities. We covered issues from inclusion, multiculturalism in the classroom, to microagression and teaching philosophy. It was like sitting in a room full of like-minded people, and not a moment went by where my thoughts and ideas were not being challenged.

I think being a grad student isn't going to be so bad (:

Though I already feel too old for homework!

How are the Children?

I am thrilled to say that my children are beyond well! Institute has been an insanely intense journey but I am sincerely grateful for everything it threw at me. At the beginning of summer school each child was assessed and given a growth goal based on how much progress they need to make to be successful in the next academic year. I am proud to say that after four short weeks, my kiddos reached 95% of their growth goal.

Before going in, the majority of advice I was given was to not get my hopes up. "Teach For America will tell you that you'll make an incredible amount of progress but be realistic, not that much can change in four weeks." Well, more progress was achieved in my classroom than I could have ever imagined! I'd like to say it was the teaching they received but it was my kids, who are so, so SO smart!

My Institute experience was what it was (as best as it could be) because of my collab, made up of myself and three amazing ladies. Janet from Harvard, Alyssa from Niagra (a syracuse townie (: ) and Ashley from University of Maryland. Janet and Ashley will be teaching Kindergarten in Baltimore and Alyssa will be teaching early childhood in Miami. All I can say to this is that the kids they will have are extremely lucky. I learned so much from watching these ladies teach, seeing the love they had for our children, and I know I will be bringing a little bit of each of them to my kids in the fall. Kindergarten is a magical time, and these ladies, with the help of our kids, helped open my eyes to the importance of early childhood. It is after all, the place where our kids become invested in their own education. Yea, our little girls may want to be princesses, but school is important to them because they have to be able to read their fan male and respond. If we don't make this connection for them, who will?

Thank you collab 205 for the impact you have made on my life.

Kindergarten.

All I really Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten

by Robert Fulghum

All I really need

To know about how to live

And what to do and how to be

I learned in kindergarten.

These are the things I learned:

Share everything.

Play fair.

Don't hit people.

Put things back where you found them

Clean up your own mess.

Don't take things that aren't yours.

Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.

Wash your hands before you eat.

Flush.

Live a balanced life-

Learn some and think some

And draw and paint and sing and dance

And play and work everyday some.

When you go out into the world, Watch out for traffic,

Hold hands and stick together.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere.

Take any of those items and put it into

sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your

family life or your work or your government or

your world and it holds true and clear and firm.

Think what a better world it would be if

the whole world, all governments

had a basic policy to always put things back where

they found them and to clean up their own mess.

And it is still true, no matter how old you

are- when you go out into the world, it is best

to hold hands and stick together.

So proud to have been part of this magical year for 22 students.

Speak Up, You're Brilliant

When Obama was 10 he told his class that he wanted to become the President of the United States.

It always amazes me how much of an impact our words have. There's a little girl in our class who has been referred to as a 'wild cat'. She was disengaged, unmotivated, and clearly did not enjoy school. She was that kid who sings to herself in the middle of lessons, sprawls around the room and crawls around when her classmates are sitting. I am ashamed to say that in the beginning, I would respond to her nagging with "Stop being lazy, I know you know your sounds so sound the words out." (god i don't even want to think about the potential damage my language had). Fortunately, realizing the lack of investment I had in her translated to her own lack of investment when it came to her education. I pulled her aside and told her how smart she was and how disappointed I was that she constantly was wasting her learning time. I asked her what she needed from her teachers to enjoy learning. She did not respond. I told her that she needed to think about that and I would come back to her in five minutes, expecting an answer. Two minutes later she taps me on the shoulder and says "Ms. Yuen, I decided I want to get smarter."

Since then, she has been engaged, writes complete sentences, and follows directions.

These kids have the potential to be brilliant, all we need to do is tell them.

Highlight of the day: Our ADHD girl's behavior specialist came in today. He asked one of my collab members, 'where's she teaching', my collab member replies, 'Philly, why?' he responds saying 'because she's a damn good teacher'. :)

It's week five,

The very last week of summer school.

This means it's assessment time.

Kids, please show progress because your teachers have been working very hard!

My Haven

For the first time in my life I understand the importance of having a space where you can be completely relaxed. I've never really felt like I've had my very own room until now. Yea, in college I had the luxury of not having to share my room with anyone, but since I only had each space for a year I could never invest in making my a true haven. It's taken a while, but my room now makes me so happy that when I come home from Institute on the weekends its hard to get me to leave. I'm looking for a new bedspread and possibly some wall pieces, but it feels complete, at least for now. My momma surprised me one weekend with the window panel and matching hooks!

Nowhere to go but up!

The only great thing about bad days is that the next day can't be any worst.

I came to school this morning pissed off and determined.

I knew I had to get myself together, which I did, in order to get my kids back in line...

and back in that line they went (:

Little things my kids did this week that made me smile

• Little J during our 'doggy doggy where's your bone game' (speaking to herself) "I don't know where the bone is because I wasn't paying attention."
• Receiving "best teacher" pictures from Little T
• Beiber dance party
• Giving our fish a last name, with 20 boys of course poor Alvin now has the last name 'Spiderman'
• Skipping dinner for happy hour after yesterday's not so fun-filled day
• Making word family crowns, and one of our kids wrote the sentence "My mom was late for my date" - BOO YEA what a success, he has truly learned his "-ate" words

Last but not least, something shameful I did this week (but resulted in a GOOD laugh). In hopes of investing our students in their education and going to college, each of us has been sharing photos and stories of our families and college experiences. All of our kids were excited about going to college except one of our girls who doesn't think going to college will be fun or necessary to her pursuit of being a hair dresser. I said, in college we have TONS of fun. We have this thing called SPRING BREAK. I told them that they could go on a cruise or go to Disneyland. Of course, all my students got giddy and excited but Little J still was not convinced. Then I said to her, Think about the most fun you've ever had in your life and times that by ten, because that's what Spring Break is like. gawwwwdddd i should be so ashamed ahaha.

Mental Meltdown

Some highlights of my day:

• Kids hopped up on pop tarts
• A boy kicked a chair across my room
• My behavior coach came in with a camera man (who had an obnoxiously large camera)
• More 10 people observing me today at the same time
• A debrief with my behavior coach where, of course, was talked into things I don't agree with
• Fun Foam
• Heat wave
• More mice
• Finding out every other corp member had a half-day except my school
• Finding out that tomorrow is a heat day for every other corp member except my school

and of course the cherry on top of this day: fire drill in the middle of my shower because some dumbass thought it would be funny

SPIN

Kids do weird things, weird things that make my day!

Although we are supposed to be achieving 100% compliance 100% of the time, I have yet to see this happen (and yes, I know that as teachers, when our students aren't engaged that's on us and not them). We have however come pretty damn close. Yesterday morning we had student engagement that brought a smile to my face. Then, I see one of our little boys head banging like he's at a rock concert and a little girl (who wants to be a hairdresser when she grows up (: ) who was hitting herself like she belongs on a step team. We asked one of our summer mentors why our kids do this weird crazy stuff (among many other behaviors, another being lying on the carpet sprawled out like a cat right in the middle of a lesson). She says something on the lines of...You know that feeling you get when you're drunk and about to do something super weird but you do it anyway? That's the feeling they are trying to get. Remember when you were little and spun around to get dizzy? It's kind of like that.

YES I DO REMEMBER, and it was the best!

So, I urge you, if you want to remember what it was like to be a 6 year old who doesn't want to be in school, just go spin.

Families of all shapes and sizes

On my very first day two little boys came up to me and told me their daddy's were dead without any prompting whatsoever. Today, after sharing photos of my family with my students, the tiniest girl in my class asked me why my papa was only in some of my photos. I told her it's because I don't see him much since he doesn't live with us all the time. She smiled at me and said "my papa doesn't live with me either, he's in jail." Later in the day I suggested she bring some of her stories to her papa the next time she visits him because her stories are so wonderful. She said it takes her more than a day to travel to her father's prison, so she doesn't get to go too often. She looks to me and says "Ms. Yuen, my papa is going to be in jail for the rest of his life because he did a real bad thing, he took someone's life."

She then went on to finish her story.

The Beginning...

...of a beautiful friendship (:

ALSO, if you're looking for Water Ice in Philly, forget about Rita's. John's is the BEST.

"TFA's my pimp and I'm their Goodies" - a mentor who will not be named

They may be bad, but they're incredible!

Again, kids say the darndest things. I had the most incredible day today, and it is all thanks to The Rainbow Fish! I promise you, this is the MOST magical children's book EVER. Without too much behavior narration or prompting, my kids were abnormally quiet and engaged. They were able to identify the problem and solution of the book, even the low kids.

We were mandated to survey our kids about why they come to school, their teachers, etc., and let me tell you, do not ever underestimate the honesty of children! I have taken a few responses (my favorites) from some of the characters of my class and posted them below (:

"They like me because I'm funny and I look like Gary Coleman" ... if you want to know what this kid looks like, google a picture of Gary Coleman and I swear it's him (:

"I want to be a teacher a dancer and a singer. In order to do that I need to learn how to dance and how to sing" ... apparently you don't need to learn how to be a good teacher. great.

"I want to be a ninja and I have to listen to all the things my master tells me to do" ... too much karate kid?

"When I grow up I want to have a job, be smart and have a lot of money. I'm going to come to kindergarten every day, grow up, go to teenage school, go to college and go to work" ... right now all he cares about is snack, at least we know he wants to go to college!

"I'm going to be a regular worker and I'll have to have patience for customers. I'm going to go to college and live there, as long as the dorms don't have elevators." ... this kid better make it to college, he's too smart not to

"I want to be a rose princess. I need to learn how to listen to the teachers and my mom will teach me how to do that. I come to school to see (K). The kids in our class are like butterflies, they are mean and also nasty." ... as you can imagine this little girl is a joy to have in class... (:

"I want to be a princess and a cheerleader. I have to go to big kid school to learn about princesses and cheerleaders." ... of course, because that's what you go to school to learn ahaha

Happy Thursday to all!

Happy TFA Day!

Today's afternoon session was titled : ARC- Intro to Acronyms

Of course, like any other major organization, TFA has it's own language, so of course as employees we are expected to be able to communicate in such a way.

First Acronym: TFA

Teach For America, and whatever it is you believe stands behind those words.

Little did we know that for the day, TFA stood for TOTALLY FREE AFTERNOON

(of course I was a little slow to catch on but once I saw people jumping, screaming, and even a few with tears rolling down

their face...I knew it was Christmas in July)

Instead of getting ahead with some work, I passed out and took the best nap of my life. I don't care what I missed out on, it was the best nap of my life (:

TFA day propaganda

First Day of Teaching celebration

Monday, Sweet Monday

There's nothing more magical than waking up at 5 am on a Monday morning...

There IS something magical about having a child say "I don't like doing procedures, it's getting in the way of my learning!" in response to having to model behavioral expectations because of a few unruly students.

Progress is progress regardless of how long it takes (:

Love your kids no matter what

Kids will remember you for your love over the consequences you give them (even if it means getting sent to the calm down corner five times a day and they cry each time). With all the violence and aggression they are exposed to, a little love can go a long way. Today was a perfect illustration of this.

We have a little girl who has so much love to share and a disability (which cannot be mentioned here) that causes behavioral problems. Today was a particularly rough day for her, she couldn't even complete her short term goals of 5 minute tasks. We found out at the end of the day that her rough day was a result of not being medicated in the morning. She only has enough medication for two days, and there are still more than 10 days left before she can fill her prescription. Hearing this reinforced why I'm here.

Terrible Tuesday

• A mouse ran through my classroom at 7:30 am
• My class arrives an hour later, mind you half the kids from yesterday aren't present and more than ten new students show up
• Of these students, only a third are girls and two are hyperactive
• Since 30% of the student body lives at a homeless shelter, they complain of hunger all morning
• At lunch they ate chilli cheese fries, and they each only got 3-5 fries
• They're angry because they're still hungry and tired from not sleeping

High of the Day: I'm pretty sure that the mouse left our room after lunch

Why do you want to learn?

"To go to jail" - a response I got from one of my rising first graders. The fact that this is a funny prospect is incredibly frightening and took me completely off guard. In preparation for summer school to start, I continuously asked myself how it was possible that the achievement gap existed at such a young age. Today, receiving this response, I now see that while the children from my home think it is normal to go to college and become a professional, my children here view jail as not so farfetched.

On a happier note, kids say the darndest things. Some snippets from today (:

Scenario 1

Little K: Ms. Pollock, are those two teachers sisters?

Ms. P: No they aren’t but they’re both Asian

Little K: HUH?!

Ms. P: You know, they’re from the continent Asia. You’re black, I’m white and they’re Asian

Little K: You white?!

Scenario 2

My name is _____

I’m here to learn

I like mac n’ cheese

And we’ll have fun

N: helllllzzzz yea

so many hours in just one day

I've been with TFA for almost two weeks and it feels like forever! It's incredible the amount of information that has been thrown at us, and it's scary that we don't have time to not pay attention.

Some of the thinks I have learned so far:

- I've been placed to teach rising first graders over the summer

- The average income of my students' family of four is 14,000 a year

- Not to drink the water from the fountain at my school because the water probably isn't safe

- The literacy statistics of third grade are used to project prison beds

- Lesson plans stink, for real

- 5 am will always feel like 5 am no matter what, even if you go to sleep at 9

Club Celebration Partners for Life!

Today marks the 22nd birthday of Sarah Hoyoon Lee, aka the other half of CC/BBC/PIC/DP in my life. It has been such a blessing getting to know this girl . Though it took a while to coerce her into being my friend, it is crazy to see that not ALL that much has changed since freshman year (: Have a mimosa to celebrate this momentous occasion!

Be Joyful Always

Try to remember the last time you experienced joy?

I have always had a difficult time differentiating between joy and happiness, and it is something that I've been thinking about a lot over the past couple of days after hearing a sermon on Sunday. I believe joy is a much deeper emotion that stems from within, but this isn't to say that joy can't be triggered by external forces. So, I've come to the conclusion that I need to figure out how to be more joyful.

I have been so incredibly blessed to have a church a block away from my house, where I have joined a young women's bible study. The young women were welcoming, open and one is even a current TFA corp member, which has been an unexpected answer to prayer. The entire group helped ease my nerves about institute and the transient period of life I've entered.

And these are my scattered thoughts of today.

Taking on Philadelphia by Storm...?

There's more to Philly than it's cheese steak, there's me!

I'd like to say I'm super excited about the prospects this city has to offer me as I begin the next two years of my life, but it is incredibly difficult to overcome the fact that I am all alone in an apartment that does not feel like home. Of course living so close to chinatown has it's perks, I have access to bubble tea all day long and I am just blocks away from center city.

Unfortunately, I have yet to venture the few blocks to center city because I have never wandered around anywhere on my own. Since I don't listen to music, talking buddies are extremely important when walking, and I know I wouldn't be able to purchase anything since I'd have nobody to reassure me.

Let's hope week 2 looks better

Last night I attended my very last Cafe Night at the Grove, and all the giving that happens in this one night amazes me. Every single person is responsible for some sort of contribution (other than that given at the door), making the experience so incredibly valuable. Though sadly ironical, it was fantastic to see broke college kids willing and eager to support missions.

Cheers to a night of giving! (and to TTP)

I STAND WITH PLANNED PARENTHOOD

NASCAR > Planned Parenthood?

Apparently our government thinks so. A few days ago the House of Reps. has barred Planned Parenthood from receiving federal funding. Our country has been in such a frenzy about providing healthcare so I am completely at a loss of words as to how Planned Parenthood has been cut off while NASCAR will still receive funding.

For those of you who support the ban because you are pro-life, you should know that government funding does NOT go toward abortions- it is illegal. 97% of planned parenthood resources go toward PREVENTIVE care.

This bill is now going to the senate...

Visit 'I Stand with Planned Parenthood' for more information!

Ruffle Inspired Dessert Table

Taken from http://blog.amyatlas.com/2011/02/ruffled-and-romantic-guest-dessert-feature/

Dreaming of Sugar

I'm not ready.

Wondering what type of real grown up I'll turn out to be...

College has not prepared me for this.

I have come to the realization that I am about to transition into a period of life where I will be the most alone I have ever been. Of course some things stay the same, you always have family and hopefully you keep in touch with good friends, but the phase I am about to enter is not set up for me to meet new people or to even be comfortable.

Moving into college was unbearably awkward for me. Coming from a class of 40 ish to a campus of about 12,000 was humbling and it forced me to figure out who I was, and after numerous shifts in friendship groups, I did. In retrospect, I think nothing in life will be as easy as college has been.

We all aspire to be something great and I try to pump myself up by asking if the world is ready for me but who am I kidding....I am NOT ready for the world.