sickdayismysalvation

I started Institute in July and started Teaching right after it ended in August. I've been playing grown up for almost six months and today is my first mental health day. You know you've reached a new low when you are caught crying your eyes out after school by 8 staff members and you just can't stop. Then, I came home and cried some more.

My philly biffle and I often joke that we are both in abusive relationships with all of our students. You go to work every day and invest all you have into your students, but in return you get beaten and abused (I hope you understand this is metaphorical). Then, after an 11 hour day you go home and continue to work and your mind wanders to a place where you tell yourself that tomorrow will definitely be better. But it's not. The worst part about all of this is that you begin to replay the days events looking for things you did wrong, making excuses for the way you have been treated.

So then I ask myself, if I believe everybody should be strong enough to remove themselves from abusive situations, why do I stay? I finally understand, you can't help who you care deeply for, and matters of the heart cannot be nursed.

At 10 pm last night I caved, called my principal, and said I needed a sick day. This day is saving me.