Invitacion Fountain

All who are weak,

all who are weary

Come to the rock,

come to the fountain

All who have sailed

on the rivers of heartache

Come to the sea,

come on be set free

If You lead me Lord I will follow

Where You lead me Lord I will go

Come and heal me Lord I will follow

Where You lead me Lord I will go

I will go

Two in One Special

Bulletin Boards propped up with furniture.

My makeshift whiteboard.

Why a two in one special?

We both teach at the exact time.

(imagine a reading and math class full of emotional support middle schoolers)

Let me tell you, craziness is contagious.

I have been given an office to move in to.

It may be small but at least I'll have four walls?

Take a Break.

...it's a chair that I send students who are struggling with their behavior. I tell them they aren't in trouble, but they need to 'take a break' to re-focus and when they chill out they are able to join us whenever they are ready. Today, my students drove me to take a break IN my classroom DURING class (yes, I actually went and sat in the take a break chair).

Today I became one of those teachers who yells at kids, got caught up in arguing with puberty as a whole, and when the day was over, I had nothing to be proud about. My students did not learn and I was not happy. Wednesday, be better.

The sunshine of my day- one of my students (a seventh grader reading at a first grade level) came up to me and told me he was ashamed of his behavior. My response? "good, you should be, but this shows me tomorrow can be a better day" (I walked away). I like to tell myself that (in the words of my students) in that moment I was indeed swag instead of joe.

Quitter? I hope not.

I've never considered myself a quitter, but never in my life have I thought about quitting more. I have very recently encountered the immense impact love and support have on your life, even your career life. With this realization I'm wondering if it has enough impact to make or break you.

Last March I was hired by a school in Philadelphia to teach Special Education (primarily reading) to third and fourth grade students. After school started, I was told I had to teach an after school reading class (yea, kids love the fact that they get to come to me after a full day's worth of learning...) that is a mix of third to sixth graders. About two weeks ago I was told that I would no longer be in that role and would be transitioning to teach Special Education math to seventh and eighth grade students. Today, I was told that I will also be teaching a class that is about social and emotional learning, which includes sex education...

I will be doing this in half of a classroom, without a whiteboard (fingers crossed that I will receive one) , with the leftover furniture in the school, and students who may not even know they have an IEP. When the decision was made to switch to this model, nobody thought it was important to note that there were no more available classrooms. When I mean none, I mean not even a single empty room that I could push in to with a cart. This means one room was taken and will be split in half using bulletin boards. There will be two classes going on at the same time, two groups of students, two teachers-one being me! Today, the teacher who I share a room with and I tried to find all the heavy furniture we could to ensure our stray bulletin boards will stay (for the most part) propped upright.

Am I prepared?

Am I qualified?

Am I happy?

Am I in the right mental state of mind?

Am I emotionally stable?

Am I inspired?

And the answer to all of these questions is no. So then I ask myself what I'm still doing here and the answer is I have no freaking idea. I feel overwhelmed, helpless, empty and broken, and I know that if I don't come up with a reason to stay, nothing will be in between me and my way out the door.

Find Happiness.

So much easier said than done, but sometimes, with the best friends, flickers of happiness can be seen even though sadness feels like it's clouding your life.

Yesterday someone told me that no matter how sad/mad/hurt or just down you fee, there is always on thing or one moment that will make you smile.

And I'd say we just have to hope those smiles are enough.