sacrifice

Expectations lead to disappointment, and being disappointed is comparable to heartbreak (at the least in the overly-dramatic sense). In Paris I experienced extreme happiness, I'd come close to even saying joy. I have to interject by saying that I'm not miserable, but until Paris, I didn't truly understand how tired I was and how much personal happiness lacked from my life. While in Paris I caught a mild cold, developed a pretty serious sinus infection and by the time I landed and returned to work the next day, I could not hear out of my left ear. Despite this, I was so happy- so happy to have been able to experience Paris with one of my greatest friends.

It took a measly two days to remember why doing the work that so many of us do makes us burn out. I care deeply for my students and essentially have invested the past eight months of my life to them. As a result, I very fairly have certain expectations of them. I know they do and will continue to make poor choices and talk back and waste my time, but at the end of the day I expect them to at least respect the space we have all worked together to build.

I've had posturing and fights in my room and school before, but I did not realize that I hadn't seen a real real fight. That is, until this past Thursday, when two of my boys truly fought. I cried (in front of my children mind you) out of shock, disappointment and fright- to see two of my children engage in that type of way brought me back to reality. All of us in this field sacrifice our happiness because there's something wrong when students stand and watch two of their peers fight without a care in the world and their teacher cries.