Take a Break.

...it's a chair that I send students who are struggling with their behavior. I tell them they aren't in trouble, but they need to 'take a break' to re-focus and when they chill out they are able to join us whenever they are ready. Today, my students drove me to take a break IN my classroom DURING class (yes, I actually went and sat in the take a break chair).

Today I became one of those teachers who yells at kids, got caught up in arguing with puberty as a whole, and when the day was over, I had nothing to be proud about. My students did not learn and I was not happy. Wednesday, be better.

The sunshine of my day- one of my students (a seventh grader reading at a first grade level) came up to me and told me he was ashamed of his behavior. My response? "good, you should be, but this shows me tomorrow can be a better day" (I walked away). I like to tell myself that (in the words of my students) in that moment I was indeed swag instead of joe.

Quitter? I hope not.

I've never considered myself a quitter, but never in my life have I thought about quitting more. I have very recently encountered the immense impact love and support have on your life, even your career life. With this realization I'm wondering if it has enough impact to make or break you.

Last March I was hired by a school in Philadelphia to teach Special Education (primarily reading) to third and fourth grade students. After school started, I was told I had to teach an after school reading class (yea, kids love the fact that they get to come to me after a full day's worth of learning...) that is a mix of third to sixth graders. About two weeks ago I was told that I would no longer be in that role and would be transitioning to teach Special Education math to seventh and eighth grade students. Today, I was told that I will also be teaching a class that is about social and emotional learning, which includes sex education...

I will be doing this in half of a classroom, without a whiteboard (fingers crossed that I will receive one) , with the leftover furniture in the school, and students who may not even know they have an IEP. When the decision was made to switch to this model, nobody thought it was important to note that there were no more available classrooms. When I mean none, I mean not even a single empty room that I could push in to with a cart. This means one room was taken and will be split in half using bulletin boards. There will be two classes going on at the same time, two groups of students, two teachers-one being me! Today, the teacher who I share a room with and I tried to find all the heavy furniture we could to ensure our stray bulletin boards will stay (for the most part) propped upright.

Am I prepared?

Am I qualified?

Am I happy?

Am I in the right mental state of mind?

Am I emotionally stable?

Am I inspired?

And the answer to all of these questions is no. So then I ask myself what I'm still doing here and the answer is I have no freaking idea. I feel overwhelmed, helpless, empty and broken, and I know that if I don't come up with a reason to stay, nothing will be in between me and my way out the door.

Find Happiness.

So much easier said than done, but sometimes, with the best friends, flickers of happiness can be seen even though sadness feels like it's clouding your life.

Yesterday someone told me that no matter how sad/mad/hurt or just down you fee, there is always on thing or one moment that will make you smile.

And I'd say we just have to hope those smiles are enough.

badlands

It's been a little over a month since day one of teaching.

Saying that it has been a whirlwind would be an incredible understatement. I knew this would be hard but working being placed at a turnaround was like facing a beast. Our school is located in north Philly, in an area often referred to as the badlands. As most can guess, the nickname comes from the fact that this community has experienced generational poverty, violence, gang wars and drug corners since the 80's.

I spoke to a financial guy yesterday (who is assisting with my retirement plan) who serves inner city school teachers probono. This gentleman worked at my school last year before it became a turnaround and he said "If anyone asked me where the worst part of Philadelphia was/is, I'd say (insert my school here)."

When signing on to this teaching commitment, there is not much you can prepare for. Academically, perhaps, if you know your grade and content level placement. Emotionally? Unless you have had life experiences similar to that of our children, no. Personally? you cannot help but be completely and fully invested in your kids.

Scholarship in Action- Philadelphia!

Last week I sent an email to our beloved chancellor. I'm attempting to collect some SU gear/paraphernalia for my classroom and I thought, why not just go all the way up?

In less than four hours I received a response.

"Elyssa: Congratulations on your wonderful work- my office will certainly arrange to send you SU paraphernalia. All best, Nancy Cantor"

Yea, I guess we're not on a first name basis ahaha (:

Back to School

I'm a week in to orientation at my new school and this ENTIRE weekend was dedicated to my first class as a graduate student of University of Pennsylvania. Friday was a 13 hour day, going to work, leaving at 4, starting class at 5 and left class at 9. Class hours on Saturday and Sunday were from 8-6...an entire week without a weekend. Yea, it was long, (and now I'm tired and I can't believe i have to be up at 6 tomorrow for work again), but I have never been so intellectually stimulated in my life. The course was designed to bridge us between our experiences in college and at institute and the experiences we are about to have as new teachers in urban low-income communities. We covered issues from inclusion, multiculturalism in the classroom, to microagression and teaching philosophy. It was like sitting in a room full of like-minded people, and not a moment went by where my thoughts and ideas were not being challenged.

I think being a grad student isn't going to be so bad (:

Though I already feel too old for homework!

How are the Children?

I am thrilled to say that my children are beyond well! Institute has been an insanely intense journey but I am sincerely grateful for everything it threw at me. At the beginning of summer school each child was assessed and given a growth goal based on how much progress they need to make to be successful in the next academic year. I am proud to say that after four short weeks, my kiddos reached 95% of their growth goal.

Before going in, the majority of advice I was given was to not get my hopes up. "Teach For America will tell you that you'll make an incredible amount of progress but be realistic, not that much can change in four weeks." Well, more progress was achieved in my classroom than I could have ever imagined! I'd like to say it was the teaching they received but it was my kids, who are so, so SO smart!

My Institute experience was what it was (as best as it could be) because of my collab, made up of myself and three amazing ladies. Janet from Harvard, Alyssa from Niagra (a syracuse townie (: ) and Ashley from University of Maryland. Janet and Ashley will be teaching Kindergarten in Baltimore and Alyssa will be teaching early childhood in Miami. All I can say to this is that the kids they will have are extremely lucky. I learned so much from watching these ladies teach, seeing the love they had for our children, and I know I will be bringing a little bit of each of them to my kids in the fall. Kindergarten is a magical time, and these ladies, with the help of our kids, helped open my eyes to the importance of early childhood. It is after all, the place where our kids become invested in their own education. Yea, our little girls may want to be princesses, but school is important to them because they have to be able to read their fan male and respond. If we don't make this connection for them, who will?

Thank you collab 205 for the impact you have made on my life.